I need to apologize. When you were an itty bitty thing I wasn’t such a good momma. I had crazy high expectations for you and looking back, I know it was wrong.
Here’s the thing baby girl, before you were born, I was a teacher. Building little people up to be the best they could be was my gift and my passion. I wanted my students to reach for the stars then shoot right past them.
I wanted even MORE for you, but I went about it wrong.
In first grade, you showed signs of anxiety. You started chewing on your clothes, and your pencils. It drove me crazy. It pissed me off. I didn’t know why you did this. I’d get mad, and SURPRISE, you did it more.
It wasn’t about you sweet pea. It was your broken mom.
I went from feeling like I had a purpose, to feeling like I was failing in my new ‘career’ motherhood. It wasn’t you, it was me, and I’m SO SORRY. So very sorry.
So with tears on my cheeks, I write this to you. I know you read my posts, I love that you do.
When you were nine I screwed my head back on straight and once I did that YOU have thrived, exceeding my expectations making me proud of you every single day.
Your anxiety was created by ME and I’m sorry. But you know what? When I knew better, I DID better. It’s never too late to make a change and I’m not too proud to tell you I screwed up.
Kids aren’t born anxious. Parents make them that way. It’s hard to look in the mirror and acknowledge that, but it’s true.
I’m so proud of you and I BELIEVE in you baby girl. I BELIEVE that you can, and will accomplish anything you put your mind to.
I love you, forgive me.